Shake Up Your Break Up

Shake Up Your Break Up

Because You Deserve Better

Go Eff Yourself Because I’m Not Doing It Anymore

By Lauren Izquierdo

Did he not treat you right? Did he cheat on you? With your best friend? Then you know that some guys just deserve it. Here is a list of things he can go eff himself with when you refuse to do it anymore.


1. Sandpaper


2. Hot sauce


3. Poison ivy


4. Any other kind of poison


5. Thumb tacks


6. Bee hive


7. Bucket of toe nails


8. STDs


9. Something sharp and spikey


10. Fast-moving vehicle


11. Hot waffle iron


12. Melted Tar


13. Steak knife


14. Pile of man sweat


15. Burning light bulb


16. Arangitang boogers


17. Dry ice


18. Chain saw


19. Rattle Snake


20. Acid


21. Elephant poop


What else should he go eff himself with?

Treat Yourself!

By Lauren Izquierdo


Grab a Blender!


Pour in equal parts mango juice and orange juice


Add a splash of grapefruit juice


A handful of strawberries


One banana


And ice!

Not The Best Workout Tool, But Much Better Than Nothing: Yoga Review on the Wii Fit Plus

By Lauren Izquierdo


The Wii Fit has been used to improve strength, balance, and posture in rehabilitation facilities, gyms, health clubs, and nursing homes around the world. In the balance of fun and fitness, the yoga activity on Nintendo’s Wii Fit Plus isn’t a replacement for real yoga classes, but you’ll burn more calories than sitting on the couch.


The original Wii Fit, released in spring of 2008 and developed for the Wii console, is the third bestselling console game in history. The Wii Fit Plus, released in October of 2009, added three new yoga poses to the original Wii Fit’s 15: Spine Extension, Gate, and Grounded V.


Most of the yoga activities on the Wii Fit Plus require the Balance Board. Depending on the yoga position, players must stand, sit, push on, or lean on the scale-like board while it measures your center of gravity. The measurement is how success of the pose is determined. The board is a handy tool for improving balance and posture- if you naturally put too much weight on the heel of your left foot, the game will let you know. However, it doesn’t really know if you did a pose right: for some poses you can stand unmoving on the board and it will report that you’re doing it perfectly.


To further help you, there is a pleasant virtual yoga instructor to give you tips and break down directions for each pose. He or she also reminds you to take a break or to breathe, lets you know if you’re shaking on the Balance Board, and tells you to “keep this up every day to work on better posture.” Despite its benefits, this feature can’t substitute for a real instructor who can see what you might be doing wrong, guide you to the correct position or modify your workout for your skill or endurance level. Because there is no human instruction, it helps if you know what you’re doing a little bit.


The poses advance from easy to hard. The Dance, Cobra, Bridge, Spinal Twist, Shoulder Stand, Spine Extension, Gate, and the Ground V poses are all suggested for advanced players only.  The warning for these poses should be more specific and users should be advised not to do these poses at home alone, especially if they are elderly; it’s easy to wobble off the balance board on the Dance pose or get stuck upside down during the Shoulder Stand. Someone could seriously get hurt.


Deep Breathing is the first pose and according to the game, this posture (which includes only standing still on the balance board, placing your hands on your stomach and breathing along with the pattern on the screen) can “help improve your metabolism.” The Balance Board grades your success, though it can’t determine whether you were breathing properly or not.


The Grounded V is the last of the eighteen yoga poses, but you might want to try this pose towards the beginning of your workout, you’re going to need the energy! This advanced pose targets your abdomen and “stimulates your body” by requiring you to sit on the balance board with your hands on the floor behind you and your legs up in the air making you into a human V.  Even without getting your legs as high as the virtual trainer, you’ll definitely feel the burn and with the proper balance, you still get a high score.


Wii Fit designer Hiroshi Matsunaga described the game as a "way to help get families exercising together.” While there are multiplayer activities on the Wii Fit Plus, the yoga is single-player designed. Nintendo should be able to figure out how to make the activity multiplayer and sell more Balance Boards at the same time, but until then, joining the main player by doing the yoga positions on the floor ads a lot more fun to the fitness game. 


The Wii Fit Plus game alone can be found for about $20. With the balance board, cost rises to about $100.


Though the last couple of activities are more intense than the others, many of the poses are much less than strenuous or aren’t held long enough. Without the challenge, many of the poses are unexciting. While the videogame does get you moving, it won’t provide a satisfying workout through yoga alone. After completing every yoga position on the Wii Fit Plus, you would have logged 38 minutes of exercise and burned 73 calories. The Wii Fit Plus includes a calorie converter so that when you’ve finished your workout you can see that you’ve burned 2 slices of American cheese, 1 cup of wonton soup, or 3 marshmallows.

It's NOT Official Unless It's Facebook Official

By Lauren Izquierdo


“The phrase, “it’s not official unless it’s Facebook official sparks a lot of controversy and mixed opinions. Some women want to put their changed relationship status on Facebook and some men don’t, and vice versa. Some people think the phrase is silly; some people swear by it. I’m in the second group.


In my opinion, if a guy doesn’t put his relationship status on Facebook it either means that he is cheating or open to cheating on his girlfriend. Though, some people have argued that I’m just being paranoid since the no-relationship-status-cheating happened to me. To counter the paranoid accusation I went out and asked other people their opinions on the subject. I conducted a survey and distributed it to college students ages 18 to 24.


Here is what they thought:


When I asked students what they think of the phrase “it’s not official until its Facebook official” there was an equal response of men and women who think the statement is true, men and women who think the statement is silly, and men and women who think the statement is silly but sadly true.


When asking ten women the question, “do you believe that if a significant other does not put the relationship on Facebook that it means he or she is using Facebook to cheat or do something shady?” six women responded with yes he is probably cheating while four women responded, no it doesn’t mean that.


When asking ten men the same question seven said yes it means they are cheating. Two said, no it doesn’t mean that and one person was unsure.


 Of the people who said yes, it means they are cheating one man said this, “I think that if a guy won't put it up he is likely keeping his options open.”


Another said, “I am cheating on a girl and I can tell you this is super accurate. I disabled my relationship status on Facebook.”


One man responded that the significant other may not necessarily be cheating, but there might be other issues; such as they may be ashamed or concerned about disapproval of the relationship.



When asked why having a relationship status visible on Facebook is important most people responded that they put the relationship status on Facebook because they are proud of their new boyfriend or girlfriend and they want to show off. Others said that they want other people to know that their significant other is no longer single.


The biggest argument I hear from people who do not put their relationship status on Facebook is that Facebook is not real life and therefore it shouldn’t matter if the relationship is on a website or not. However, there are real people who use Facebook therefore, Facebook is involved with and affects real life. If someone is attracted to your boyfriend they will go online to see if he is single. If your boyfriend does not list a relationship status on Facebook they will assume that he is free game. Why not let those other ladies know that your man is off the market?


Maybe you say that your boyfriend doesn’t need the status on Facebook because you trust him. Well, if he isn’t telling the online world that he has a girlfriend what makes you think he is going to tell the girls he meets in class, at the bar, or at a party?


Here’s the deal. If a Facebook status is important to you but not important to your significant other, then they should add it on Facebook to make you happy.  It doesn’t hurt your boyfriend or girlfriend to add it. If they really don’t care one way or another then they should post it because it’s what you want.


Not having a relationship status on Facebook does not necessarily mean there is something shady going on, but if you’ve put it online and your significant other hasn’t, I’d get  more than a little suspicious. If you tell your significant other that you want it and he or she tells you that they don’t then something is probably up. I’m not saying Facebook is a surefire way to tell if you’re being cheated on. I’m saying that not having a relationship status on Facebook means it’s easier to cheat or it may be a warning sign. 


Why wouldn’t your significant other want other people to know that you’re together?  If you want it on Facebook, and he doesn’t, don’t be naive; think about what it could mean. You should be with someone who wants to show you off, not somebody who wants to hide it.  When you make it official, make it Facebook official. Better safe than shady.

Stranger Danger

by Lauren Izquierdo


My roommate has a man staying with her next weekend. That is, staying with us since we live in the same university apartment. He’s 33; that’s 11-years-older than she is. He’s driving from Pennsylvania. She met him three weeks ago—Online.


Now, I realize that in the day of social networking, video chatting, and, it’s not that unusual to meet a significant other online. My best friend met her new boyfriend online. And my aunt met her husband online.


The world being as big as it is and as populated as it is, logically you’re probably not going to find ‘the one’ two doors over, at the local corner store, or in the front row of your biology class. Odds are (or should be, if you draw up the math) that you may need to venture outside your city, or even your state to find this special person. ‘The one’ might be planting corn fields in Delaware, mixing coconut-filled drinks in Hawaii, ice fishing in Greenland, or picket-signing bull fights in Spain. Why not?


But a 33-year-old you found 3 weeks ago online who’s driving from Pennsylvania to spend the weekend in a student’s apartment?


This guy is obviously going to kill us. And not a conventional, on the five-o-clock news kind of kill. This is going to be a bad teenage movie: hide-in-the-shower-butcher-knife-and-masks-not-even-one-out-of-the-four-of-us-can-get-away-and-somebody-is-in-their-underwear-the-whole-time-for-no-reason-at-all kind of murder. 


Did you catch that? If not, just check your movie listings.


This pretty much goes against everything we were taught our whole lives regarding stranger danger. Such as:


          Don’t talk to strangers.


          Don’t get into a stranger’s car.


          Don’t tell a stranger where you live.


It’s a much better idea to meet in a public place, have some sort of escape plan, “Google” them for felonies, and to not invite them to spend three days living and sleeping in your bedroom before you actually see them in person.


Since I have no choice in the matter, I’ll be barricading my door and sleeping with the kitchen knives.

Facebook is Face To Face With Suicide Prevention

Being launched in addition to a "report as spam" and "report as harassment" option on Facebook, users will soon be able to report a status or a comment as a suicidal threat.


WHAT? Is posting suicide notes and threats really that much of a trend on social networking cites?


Why, yes. Yes it is.


How sad that these features are needed, and how cool that they exist!


Once a post is reported as containing "suicidal language," the person who wrote the post is automatically sent an email encouraging him or her to call a suicide hotline number. They are also given a link to begin a Facebook chat with a licensed counselor. This feature will run 24 hours a day.


Lidia Bernik, associate project director of Lifeline says that "...people experience reductions in suicidal thinking when there is quick intervention. We’ve heard from many people who say they want to talk to someone but don’t want to call. Instant message is perfect for that.”


What a good idea, I think a lot of kids (and adults too) would feel much more comfortable talking to someone with the anonymity of the internet world.


Of course, there are some flaws. One big one being, what if the person doesn't check their email? And I wonder if type on a screen would be able to provide the same "you’re not alone" assurance as a real human voice. But something is better than nothing.


I'm impressed with Facebook for looking out for its community and using some of its power for good.


What a crazy time for technology.

Dump That Baggage! Get Rid of Your Ex's Junk!

Ten fun things to do with the CDs, t-shirts and gifts your ex left behind.

By Lauren Izquierdo


  1. Get your friends together for an ex yard sale. Use the money for a girl’s night.


  1. Ding dong ditch it on someone else’s doorstep.


  1. Breakup bonfire party (no burning plastic, please!)


  1. Give it to a friend, those videogames are still good.


  1. Leave it in a lost and found. It might make somebody else’s day.


  1. Practice your paint ball shooting.


  1. Run over it with your car (don’t hurt your tires.)


  1. Take it to a used goods exchange and trade it for something that doesn’t disgust you.


  1. Donate it and count it as your good deed for the day.


  1. Give it back to him!  You don’t need to put up with anymore of his crap anyway.

Music Review! Yesterday’s No Milk Has Yet to Spoil

A Music Review of a Breakup Golden Oldie

By Lauren Izquierdo


“No Milk Today” is a catchy pop song with historical lyrics and timeless appeal. The song was written by Graham Gouldman and was first released in 1966 by the Manchester band, Herman’s Hermits.


The song marks a time when milkmen would stop door to door delivering milk in glass bottles. If someone had a message for the milkman, they would leave a note rolled up and tucked into the bottle. ‘No milk’ was a common message.


Following a seven second guitar solo, enchantingly heartfelt lyrics tell the story of a failed love. The story was encouraged by Gouldman's father who visited a friend and noticed a note in a milk bottle that read ‘no milk today.’ The songwriter elaborated in an interview with Mojo magazine, “He came back and said to me, 'You should write a song called No Milk Today,' and I said 'What's so interesting about milk?', and he said, 'It's nothing to do with milk! There's nobody in the house. The house is empty; the love has left the house.'”


Gouldman turned the idea into a memorable hit:

“No milk today, it wasn't always so

The company was gay, we'd turn night into day

As music played the faster did we dance

We felt it both at once, the start of our romance

How could they know just what this message means

The end of my hopes, the end of all my dreams”


Today, we no longer get milk placed on our front steps, but the pain of heartbreak will never be lost between the decades. The story of love and failed love is ageless, making “No Milk Today” a song to which each new generation can connect. 


The sorrowful words are coupled with an unexpected, upbeat delivery that gives a macabre, Tim Burtonesque feel that lures you into the song. “No Milk Today” manages to be both bubbly and gloomy as the narrator perkily sings of his obsessive longing, “ A terrace house in a mean street back of town/ becomes a shrine when I think of you only.”


The relatable lyrics and upbeat delivery by Herman’s Hermits make the song a head-bobbing sing-a-long perfect for car rides, background for entertaining, listening to at work, or a melancholy song to nurse your heartache.


The lead singer, Peter Noone, was a 15-year-old actor and singer at the beginning of Herman’s Hermits in 1963. He quickly became a heartthrob and the band became an icon of the 60s. Their popularity grew in the United States shortly after the release of “No Milk Today,” the same time scandal broke out against the Beatles, the world’s most popular British boy band, after member John Lennon infamously remarked that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus.  


Noone is still touring with Herman’s Hermits Starring Peter Noone. He is currently making his way around the United Kingdom and is scheduled to begin his United States tour in Lake Buena Vista, Florida on May 13th where he will undoubtedly perform “No Milk Today.” Don’t let this icon’s concert slip by without catching a show and hearing a little piece of lyrical history.

How To Have A Successful Breakup In 10 Easy Steps

As successful as a breakup can be, anyway.

 By Lauren Izquierdo


Step 1. Make sure breaking up is really what you want to do.

Breaking up means it’s over. If you’re one of those people that have found themselves in an on-again-off-again relationship with the same person for the past two years, then it’s either time to commit or breakup for good – probably the second one.


Step 2. “We Need To Talk”

This is a phrase that can trigger anyone’s upchuck reflexes. Do not call or text a person this phrase before they have to go to work or class. They will spend all class period trying to pull it together, missing every other word of the grasshopper lecture of their entomology class because they were busy obsessing over your four word text.


Step 3. Always do the breaking up in person.

If that’s at all possible, if it’s not possible then do it over the phone. You can’t text message breakup. It’s a heartless thing to do.


Step 4. Fully explain your reasons for wanting to break up:

                - I think we’ve grown apart.

                - Your too controlling and I can’t handle it.

                - The baby isn’t yours.


Step 5. Say everything you need to say.

Don’t let their tears or yours hold you back from saying exactly what you want to say. Speak calmly if you can and avoid getting angry. The relationship is over- there is no point in getting angry now.


Step 6. Avoid saying things that are unnecessarily hurtful:

                - There’s somebody else.

                - Your sister is hotter than you are.

                - You were never good; I faked it.


Step 7. Say goodbye.

A hug might be appropriate. A kiss might be appropriate. Sex is not appropriate; it’s sending a mixed message, especially if you just told them they were never good in bed.


Step 8. Don’t try to be friends.

At least not right away. It rarely ever works. Actually, I’ve never heard of a circumstance where that worked out. I tried to be friends with a boyfriend and it was disastrous. The ‘friendship’ we tried to work out felt like a long excruciating breakup with lots of jealousy and unwanted sexual advances. Maybe a couple months down the road you two will be able to be friends again, but as long as one of you still has feelings for the other it will never work out.  


Step 9. Don’t be a jerk.

Unless the person you’re breaking up with is a terrible person and deserves it, in which case you can ignore steps two through six.


Step 10. Go eat ice-cream.

Or go shopping, or go drink at the bar and meet somebody else to go shopping for ice-cream with.

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